"I've got a great idea for a HERO event this year," Steven Oates told me on a hot afternoon in January.
"It's going to be a game show!!!!," he announced.
"Fabulous," I knee-jerked, "you mean like a quiz, or activities, or what?"
"It's gonna be like The Weakest Link, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Top Town, Sale of the Century, The Generation Game… all rolled into one!!!!!"
"Sounds amazing," I replied, thinking 'yikes, this could be a real on-stage car crash. I can't wait'.
A month later, I'm sitting in the front row of the Classic Comedy Bar on Queen Street. It's not packed, but each little table has people on it, and the late-night mood is upbeat as the stage is lit and music comes on.
We open with a fun Latin-American number by Tess Tickle, and then it's "let the games begin!" Buckwheat appears and introduces Steven, who jogs onto the stage and does the happy-go-lucky excited host banter he's so good at.
Since the bar has a small mezzanine seating area for a handful of people, it's always nice to nominate a 'judging panel' who can sit up there and loudly heckle the show. Who better to lead the judges than Miss Ribena then? After the judges are introduced, our campy MC's then get about 20 'contestants' on stage, selected from the audience. A few had put their hands up to volunteer, but most were nominated by friends. The stage soon got crowded with at least one person from each table up there.
It's the 'Queer Question and Answer' round first, and any wrong answers mean you are instantly eliminated. Harsh! The questions were about the HERO Festival and Auckland's LGBT community, like 'How many drag restaurants are there in Auckland? (the answer is two - Caluzzi & Finale, but could be three if you count Dorothy's Sister). The contestants on stage were whittled down to eight knowledgeable folks who progress to round two, which should have been called 'Doggy Style'.
The up-for-anything remaining group were joined on stage by bitches and mongrels. No, not the judging team, I mean real pet doggies. There were a couple of well-behaved ones, a little Paris Hilton-style 'rat dog', and a scared Dalmatian who stole the show by whining weirdly through the entire round. But don't call the SPCA yet. The dogs were well-behaved in general and seem amused as the contestants are tasked with decorating them with ribbons, scarves and flowery lei. By the end of the allocated time, one of them looked so camp it camouflaged into Buckwheat! More contestants were politely eliminated with minor prizes like a bar tab or something.
Round three was a scavenger hunt. Three teams of two had to grab information and items from around the comedy bar's location on Queen Street. Gosh, I was actually surprised how well this round turned out - there wasn't any real lull in proceedings… our hosts just kept us amused by mingling in the audience Oprah-style and before long they were all back, with various things like menus, condoms, a picture of a stranger, etc. Everyone did really well - it made us want to be contestants.
But the next round made me glad I was sat comfortably down in the audience. The remaining contestants had to put on white protection jumpsuits and draw swimsuits on each other with markers in their mouths. How on earth did they come up with that as a game show task? It was fun to watch though.
But wait there's more! Four little buckets were then brought onto the stage, each filled to the brim with different-coloured liquid and labelled 'Raw Sewage', 'Dish Water', 'Algal Bloom' and my favourite: 'Hospital Waste'. Surely they wouldn't be asked to drink them? You guessed it. Get skulling! It was obvious that it was just flavoured milk inside, but that came as a surprise to one of the contestants who then said she was lactose intolerant and shouldn't have drunk it. What a nightmare. Steven 'smoothtalker' Oates handled it very well though, expressing more sympathy for her plight than the audience seemed to have. Perhaps she would have been better off drinking 'Algal Bloom' like it said on the label?
The much-put-upon winning contestants received a prize pack of Ink'd undies, Caluzzi vouchers and other wonderful stuff I'll leave as a surprise. The night's entertainment finished around midnight with a lovely tribute to Hairspray by Tess Tickle, Miss Ford and Christopher.
Would I recommend the show? The event was by no means perfect, with the music a little too loud for the small space, and some of the tasks could have been better prepared props-wise. But hosts Steven and Buckwheat won the audience over with their good intentions, witty banter and lively on-stage frolicking.
The show is on again this Friday and next Friday, with brand new games each time. Grab some friends and join them for a laugh. Even my most critical, hard-to-please friend said: "It was diabolical, but in a fun way!"
Get Lucky, 10:30pm Friday 15 & 22 February 2008 at The Classic Comedy Bar, 321 Queen Street, Auckland. Tickets $20 at the door ($15 concessions), with the event designed as a fundraiser for Rainbow Youth.