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First, confirm your full names and ages...
Ginny: Virginia Ruth Pears-Bartlett. I'm keeping my married name for credit card purposes. And we're ignoring the age question.
Barb: Barb. That's all you need to know.
Are you two a couple? How did you meet? Are you monogamous... or non-monogamous?
Barb: That's a very personal question.
Ginny: We can neither confirm nor deny.
Barb: But we can tell you we met at the last Hero Parade.
Ginny: Barb was my first dyke on a bike.
Barb: Ginny was my first pissed rich bitch.
Ginny: And as for monogamy… well, we all know that all lesbians are strictly monogamous, now don't we?
Barb: We leave all that grubby playing around to the straights.
Ginny: And compulsively promiscuous gay men with no moral fibre. Next question please.
Barb: Before we crack up.
How are you two coping with your new-found fame on late night telly?
Ginny: Darling, we can't even go to the supermarket without being mobbed by bi-curious straight girls!
Barb: They like bumping trolleys.
Who have you interviewed, and do you have any inside goss on anyone you've interviewed?
Ginny: Well, after we helped poor confused wee Chris Knox come out as queer on national TV, the floodgates opened, didn't they Barb?
Barb: Did they what! We've done them all, from Mika to Pansy Wong…
Ginny: From Geraldine Brophy to Georgina Beyer.
Barb: Hot tottie, one and all!
What's your background - where are you from?
Ginny: Barb rescued me from life as a bored, sexually frustrated, wife, mother and National Party fundraiser in Remuera.
Barb: And I'm from Hamilton.
Ginny: Say no more.
What were you doing for work before you were telly superstars?
Ginny: Work? What's that?
Barb: I owe it all to NZ On Air funding. Before that I had a go at driving buses, but my feet couldn't reach the pedals.
Favourite food and drink?
Both: Cocktails!
Worst habits?
Both: Cocktails.
Most noble feature?
Ginny: Modesty, darling.
Barb: And our right-on, socially-aware, eco-sensitive, non-sexist, fully-biodegradable politics.
Ginny: Kia ora!
Favourite telly programme (apart from Kiwifruit!)?
Barb: Bad Girls.
Ginny: So realistic.
Barb: And we love Takataapui.
Ginny: So brown!
Who would you interview next... if you could choose from anyone in the world?
Barb: Marilyn Waring.
Ginny: A living legend. One of our idols.
Barb: And what she doesn't know about Parliament's dirty laundry isn't worth knowing!
