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Ask Our Expert: the first time

Posted in: Ask Our Expert, Safe Sex
By Get It On! - 25th June 2012

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A reader has asked:

“I’m ready to try having sex with a guy for the first time, but TBH I don’t really know what to expect or what to do. I’m scared it will hurt or it will be embarrassing and I don’t want my first time to be a bad experience. Help?”


We’ve turned to our all-knowing friends at Get It On! for sex advice for this first-timer. Here's what they have to say:



Confidence

Pornographic magazines and videos are often the major source of information about sex for men who have sex with other men. They generally portray man to man sex in a very unrealistic and unsafe manner. This can lead to concerns about what is ‘normal sex’ for men who love men.

As a result, many of us put up with pain and discomfort and feel a loss of control of what happens when they have sex with another man.

Knowing what’s happening and feeling that you can control what you do will make you more confident and will make your sex much better and waaay more fun.

Sex is a natural human drive – we all have it – and as part of intimacy it’s one of life’s great joys. All humans need to be touched. It’s a biological need. Touching and making love are as natural as breathing. They are not something to be ashamed about.

When safe sex guidelines are followed, sex can be even more satisfying.

Top or Bottom?

Most guys who are into anal sex like to fuck and be fucked. Others prefer one role or another – insertive or receptive: top or bottom; dominant and submissive. Whatever the situation, talk about it. Stay in control. Remember that you’re not obliged to do anything you don’t want to.

Right, now what?!

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First thing is to ensure you know how to put a condom on properly, and if you think you know, it can't hurt to have a quick look and make sure. Click the pic below to see how.

The keys to safe sex are trust and confidence – trust in your partner and confidence in the effectiveness of safe sex. If you’re being fucked for the first time it’s very important that you’re relaxed. Foreplay is important. It isn’t a race, so take your time. Take it easy – and slowly. Foreplay includes the entire body – not just the dick and balls – and getting turned on is gradual, not instant, especially before penetration.

Some guys like to douche before they get down to business, check out guide here

The most comfortable and emotionally safe positions to start with are those in which the person being fucked has maximum control. Lying side by side is a good position to start with – or sitting on his cock, gradually lowering yourself onto it at your own pace.

When the arsehole is relaxed (e.g. as after the fingering technique) apply lots of water-based lube to both the anus and condom-covered cock. While he’s pushing his cock in, take it easy – especially at first- and slowly.

The anal opening is usually quite elastic and with patience will stretch comfortably. However, forced entry – ‘pushing past the pain’ which is often shown in porn – can cause bleeding and tear your sphincter muscles.

The first few times you fuck it may take 20 minutes or more – and several attempts – before your anus starts to relax and gets used to the feeling of a cock inside it. If your partner is having trouble getting his cock in, push out slightly as he enters you. It will make it easier.

At first, pressure on the prostate gland might make you feel as though you want to urinate (piss). Also, when you are first fucked, it often feels uncomfortable afterwards and you might feel like sitting on the toilet for a while. These sensations are mostly an illusion. Your body got the message that your arse felt full and reacted accordingly. In time your body will adapt and learn to separate these sensations from the real ones.

What makes being fucked pleasurable for men is the penis pushing against the prostate. Pressure is least intense in the side by side position or with the person being fucked lying face down. It’s most intense when the man being fucked has his legs up over his head.

It is important to remember that fucking without a condom but pulling out before you come is NOT safe. Your pre-cum can carry HIV or other STIs and the virus can enter the end of your cock from contact with infected membranes in the arse. Always uses lots of lube and a strong condom.

You can get condoms & lube for free from, Get It On! but buying your own condoms gives you more choice and allows you to be sure you have the perfect fit. Pharmacies, supermarkets, and adult shops have the best selection.

Standard condoms are available in bulk for only $3 from your nearest sexual health clinic, NZAF centre or Family Planning.

When you’re fucking someone, pull your cock out every now and then and check that the condom hasn’t slipped off and that it’s still intact. If it has come off or is torn, don’t panic. You can re-lube, put on a new condom and continue if you want to.

If you’re being fucked by someone you don’t know, it’s a good idea to check every now and then that he’s still wearing a condom (some guys do take condoms off during sex). Just reach down to your arse and feel his dick slide into and feel for the condom.

After you’ve come, hold the rubber ring at the base of the condom as you pull out so the condom doesn’t slip off.

Tie a knot in the end of the condom and put it on the rubbish (rather than down the toilet). Don’t store condoms in warn, confined places (such as wallets or cars) for any length of time because they’ll perish. Always check the ‘use by’ date on the packet or individual wrapper before use.

Get It On! have plenty of advice and even an R18 video guide to anal sex. They can also hook you up with free condoms. Check out their awesome site here!

Have a question you want expert advice on? Email Jacqui@gaynz.com!


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Get It On! - 25th June 2012