No strings attached

April 25, 2011 in General

I love being single. No, actually, I LOVE being single. Don’t get me wrong, relationships are amazing and I have lots of friends who have found that one person that just compliments who they are and vice versa. I guess that’s how I see what a relationship is. It’s this thing that you have with someone and your similarities and differences compliment each other’s. It’s someone who you don’t settle down with but live your life with. ‘Settle’ is a word I don’t really like very much. My Momma always told me never to settle. Anyway, I’ve had my relationships in the past but I’ve never been able to find anything like that. I’ve always had to settle and change myself, so for me, single means I get to be me. Being single also means women. I love women. Since I really don’t think there’s anyone out there who fits with me in a relationship (not that I think no one is good enough for me, I just mean I’m too complicated to be with) I figured I should just enjoy being single.

Being a single girl with a high sex drive, I didn’t want to slut myself around. So I figured having a fuck buddy would be a safer option. I’ve had fuck buddies before, but after a few years of being off the market, I totes forgot how to pick up people, let alone make those special arrangements with someone. It was purely luck that I met someone who happened to be in the same situation and was just looking for the same thing as I was. When I told my best friend that I had a new “friend” her first reaction was, “these kinds of arrangements never work out.” But of course I tell her that it does. So she asked me how I could guarantee that it stays as that arrangement and that no one gets hurt. RULES. I know, I know, rules are boring but sometimes you need these rules to make sure you don’t get screwed up. I guess they’re my self-preservation rules.

RULE #1: They’re called fuck buddies for a reason

I’ve known so many friends who have made these arrangements with people before and like so many others, they get hurt because they end up doing more than just effing this buddy. These buddies are there for one thing and one thing only…to fulfil the needs of which we all have. When you’re in bed with them don’t cuddle them. They are not cuddle buddies. Cuddles are reserved for someone more who is more than just sex. This brings me to the next rule…

RULE #2: Don’t stay the night unless you’re parachuting

Cuddles, lead to falling asleep and waking up next to this person. Waking up next to this person leads to having conversations, and those conversations can lead to you thinking of two things: never talk again if you want to continue this or oh snap I actually like them more than just for the sex. Not good. Only time you should stay over is when you are parachuting. What is parachuting you ask? It’s when you are so drunk, can’t drive and are ready to pass out so you find someone to sleep with for the night so you can find a bed close to your vicinity. This means that at least when you wake up there’s no need for awkward conversations because you’re too hungover to talk anyway.

RULE #3: Communication information

Texting, facebooking, tweeting, they’re all part of our everyday lives. We use it to connect with friends and family. The only time you should use any of these for your fuck buddy is as follows: Facebook and twitter – maybe if you didn’t get their number that drunken night then you can use these two to add them and get their number. After that you just stay away from commenting on their status updates or video posts.

Texting – only to be used when you require some play time. The shorter the messages, the better. For example, “Keen?” or anytime past 2am it is acceptable to just send “?”. Texting each other asking how they are, or how cute they look, or how you had a kinky dream about them (ok that’s borderline acceptable actually) should be avoided at all costs.

RULE #4: Meeting arrangements

No, you are not dating this person so making arrangements to meet other than in their bed or outside the club to catch a taxi home with them is not ok. This goes back to the whole you meet up with them and you will either be disappointed or like them for more than just the sex.

RULE #5: Food is a no go

A friend of mine has a theory. If there is food involved, then it’s a date. Waking up in the morning and making/having breakfast made for you is a big no no. Going out to breakfast/lunch/dinner or coffees are seen as dates. If you’re hungry, eat before you go. There’s always a maccas on the way.

RULE #6: Honesty

This rule is not just for the other person but for you also. Making sure that the other person knows exactly where they stand avoids the messy dramas. They know what you want and that helps them be honest about what they want. Also, let’s face it, sometimes you can still get attached, so you need to be honest with yourself too and make sure you know how you feel.

Those are my six main rules. There are more but these are the most important ones for me because they’ve never failed to protect me lol. I guess in a way these rules avoid any sort of emotions getting involved and that’s definitely ok with me. I find emotions are like spaghetti, it’s messy and they can tangle way too easily. Yes, I just compared emotions to spaghetti. There’s only ever been one buddy of mine who’s ever broken my rules…but we’ll talk about that some other time because all this talk of food just made me hungry.